What have I learned?

I managed to write more blog posts as I was on my iPad. But that’s sitting in a holder arm thingy on my desk (Herself got it for me as a Christmas present) and it’s just killed the urge. Must try harder.

I’m still unemployed. The Pandemic means savings stretch a LOT further, so there’s no real panic. I can easily manage another six months. I probably don’t want to as having savings is a good thing – but no worries yet. I really need to find the right thing. Also – I’m grateful I have the space to do that. So many other people are in a far worse situation.

That’s one thing the Pandemic has taught me. I have more empathy than I thought I had. It’s not a good thing. I think life would be so much easier if I went through it not giving a shite about people. Or only a minimal amount of shite given at the most. But I do. I worry, a lot, about how people are coping. People I don’t even know – never mind the people I do. I have to give myself breaks from the news as it all gets a bit too much. But then I feel guilty as I feel like it’s something that should be witnessed.

It has taken a bit of a toll on me head. If I’m being honest for once.

That’s one of the ‘fun’ things about life. You have to figure everything out yourself. Then Tik Tok threw a couple of videos at me that stopped me dead in my tracks, so I had to do a bit of reading about High Functioning Anxiety. Tick, Tick, Yes, Yes, Tick, Tick etc. But surely everyone feels that way? It’s not even a recognised thing, just a catch all. Then again maybe they don’t feel that way? I’ve no idea. I hit the big half century next year so I’ve been living a long time in this brain and body. It’s normal for me. It’s not too bad actually. I think I’m great and quite a brilliant and loveable person most of the time. I tell Herself often 🙂

If it could help me stop grinding my teeth at night that would be good though. I don’t know why I do that. I’d rather not buy disposable gum shields for the rest of my life. I thought I was also getting arthritis as my hands and fingers have been aching. Until Herself pointed out that I ball them into fists when I sleep sometimes, and occasionally start battling with unseen foes. Brill.

I don’t think I feel anxious. But then I wondered if that was my default and normal setting? I got entirely fucked off with the World at the end of January. Luckily I’m older now so I knew it was just a bad time and it would pass. I really didn’t need to run off to a new City or Country by myself and the rest of the World really didn’t need to bugger off and leave me alone.

Anyway, I have no answers. I’m going to subscribe to the Headspace app and give that a go.

In other news I’m still exercising. I like Apple Fitness+ and Fitify is still really good. With the rowing machine thats a good combination. Herself is also exercising so we’re in good shape. Except when it’s been a bit of a vicious squat day. I think the people who make stair lifts are missing an opportunity in not marketing to middle aged people who work out.

I also joined the board of a Charity to help out with Techy, strategy things. They are very grateful. It’s easy for me though. Still feel like a bit of a fraud when it comes to what I know. But I still get surprised that people don’t know what I know, or can’t look at things in a simple way. Oh well, I’ll use those skills to get paid some day!

Herself had a bit of a bad time at work. To do with reorganisations. I’ve been advising her on that as in my view it was ‘Not a good thing…at all’ that was happening. Wrote some emails that she sent out as her. It all seems to be working out and has gained her much more respect in the Group. As a back up she also has another potential job offer that would double her salary. So fingers crossed that it’s all going to be good.

I also helped a couple of other people with work/job related things so I’m hoping it works out for them as well.

I could do with me as a friend. But I probably wouldn’t listen – eejit 😉

I’m trying though.

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