Category: General

Absolute ramblings

Last year, up until August, we had quite glorious weather. I spent a lot of time in the garden cooking and drinking. Probably too much drinking when we look back on it. With the exercise now a few glasses of wine does me. We look back at that lockdown party and think “Jayzuz how did we manage that??”.

This Summer? Well it’s just nonexistent. Very thick cloud and not a sight of the sun. Constantly damp. Not a lot of cooking on the fire outside at all – the stack of wood and charcoal is mocking me. Heading into the Winter now so this is going to be tough on people.

Apart from that I’m grand. We are still no closer to getting the house renovated. Which is…annoying but consistent. Trying to get builders to commit to anything is extraordinarily hard. It’s difficult to get materials right now, and a lot of people are getting work done. But apparently they run out of money or don’t get the remortgage and it all becomes a bit of a disaster.

We have the cash. Just trying to find someone who will take it and commit to something is a challenge. Madness.

Herself is getting an old sofa of hers rebuilt and re-upholstered. It’s from a place that hands out fifty year guarantees with their furniture. The sofa was in the apartment we had rented out and the it got destroyed by tenants. It’s being rebuilt and re-upholstered and we’ll have it (as it’s very good) and we REALLY need to get rid of what we have now. I eventually agreed to go and help pick fabric and what legs it would have etc. Jayzuz it’s like ordering food in America. Too much choice.

“What kind of sofa do you want?”

“Comfy!” [end of]

But you have to be part of things like this. Well, seeing as she got the sofa I decided I needed a comfortable new chair:

“What kind of chair do you want?”

“Comfy!”

“Oh for gawds sake…”

“Okay not only does it need to BE comfy it needs to LOOK comfy and it needs to give off a vibe of ‘Thats a comfy chair but it obviously belongs to somebody who would not want me to sit in it’ and so they will sit anywhere else and ENVY that chair”

“Not helping”

“You asked”

But we went up to look at them and pick one for me. Two hours lads! I have never spent that length of time on any decision. Fabric, colour, casters, legs, filling. Sort of matching footstool even! Do I want buttons on the fabric on the footstool? (No, too bloody floofy). Herself LOVED that I was involved as she loves this kind of thing. And was being fussed by the assistant.

“What colour for the fabric, this or this?” Herself and the Assistant look expectantly at me

“This is one of those times I remind you I’m colour blind isn’t it?”

Look of exasperation on Herselfs face and the Assistant is trying not to laugh.

“You pick the colour love. I trust you”

Beamy smile and I can go find a seat to sit down on until all choices have been made.

It cost a BOMB. And not only do I still not have a chair, as they have to build it (quite cool tbf), I’m now crossing my fingers it arrives by Christmas.

I’m not patient at the best of times.

But it has a fifty year guarantee so I’ll not outlive that. If I do then something has gone very wrong as I haven’t planned to be around for that long!

With work I’m just thinking to myself “You never learn do you?”. I had thought it would be rather easy. A twelve month contract and it seemed like they had their act together and have done well. Swans lads! All cool and calm on the surface but desperately manic underneath. Still, that’s why I’m here. It’s what I’m good at and it’s what I get paid for. But the first month has been a bit tiring.

I’m not a fan of large time differences. But been there and done that. My next role has to be working with Europe.

This was just stream of thought ramblings. But I’m trying to get back into writing. I miss blogs and my blog. It’s just a habit.

That’ll do Pig

A year is enough time off I think. I got a lot done – not all of it exactly what I wanted to get done. But there you go. Back to the office world in a week or so.

Except it won’t be really. It’s remote working. Which I’m totally fine with as I’ve done that for a very, very long time. But it should be interesting as I was starting to get an itch and needed to be back at work.

Apart from that everything else is pretty much same old same old.

Maybe I’ll have something else to write about.

Nine months in the long limbo of long covid | ed rooksby

I’ve just found the share button on my iPhone. This is the thing that worries me most about COVID. The Long COVID impact which is far more scary.

“Nearly 70,000 cases of covid infection were reported yesterday, 8th January. Of course that’s officially confirmed cases and the real number of infections will be much higher. A small but significant proportion of those people will go on to be hospitalised and a small but significant proportion of them will die in the next few…”
— Read on edrooksby.wordpress.com/2021/01/09/nine-months-in-the-long-limbo-of-long-covid/

Going well

“I tried that Mindlessness app”

“MindFULLness, how’d it go?”

“I drifted off and fell asleep”

“Well that’s good”

“Nah, that’s not what you’re supposed to do”

This is going to need some work. Not as easy as I thought.

What have I learned?

I managed to write more blog posts as I was on my iPad. But that’s sitting in a holder arm thingy on my desk (Herself got it for me as a Christmas present) and it’s just killed the urge. Must try harder.

I’m still unemployed. The Pandemic means savings stretch a LOT further, so there’s no real panic. I can easily manage another six months. I probably don’t want to as having savings is a good thing – but no worries yet. I really need to find the right thing. Also – I’m grateful I have the space to do that. So many other people are in a far worse situation.

That’s one thing the Pandemic has taught me. I have more empathy than I thought I had. It’s not a good thing. I think life would be so much easier if I went through it not giving a shite about people. Or only a minimal amount of shite given at the most. But I do. I worry, a lot, about how people are coping. People I don’t even know – never mind the people I do. I have to give myself breaks from the news as it all gets a bit too much. But then I feel guilty as I feel like it’s something that should be witnessed.

It has taken a bit of a toll on me head. If I’m being honest for once.

That’s one of the ‘fun’ things about life. You have to figure everything out yourself. Then Tik Tok threw a couple of videos at me that stopped me dead in my tracks, so I had to do a bit of reading about High Functioning Anxiety. Tick, Tick, Yes, Yes, Tick, Tick etc. But surely everyone feels that way? It’s not even a recognised thing, just a catch all. Then again maybe they don’t feel that way? I’ve no idea. I hit the big half century next year so I’ve been living a long time in this brain and body. It’s normal for me. It’s not too bad actually. I think I’m great and quite a brilliant and loveable person most of the time. I tell Herself often 🙂

If it could help me stop grinding my teeth at night that would be good though. I don’t know why I do that. I’d rather not buy disposable gum shields for the rest of my life. I thought I was also getting arthritis as my hands and fingers have been aching. Until Herself pointed out that I ball them into fists when I sleep sometimes, and occasionally start battling with unseen foes. Brill.

I don’t think I feel anxious. But then I wondered if that was my default and normal setting? I got entirely fucked off with the World at the end of January. Luckily I’m older now so I knew it was just a bad time and it would pass. I really didn’t need to run off to a new City or Country by myself and the rest of the World really didn’t need to bugger off and leave me alone.

Anyway, I have no answers. I’m going to subscribe to the Headspace app and give that a go.

In other news I’m still exercising. I like Apple Fitness+ and Fitify is still really good. With the rowing machine thats a good combination. Herself is also exercising so we’re in good shape. Except when it’s been a bit of a vicious squat day. I think the people who make stair lifts are missing an opportunity in not marketing to middle aged people who work out.

I also joined the board of a Charity to help out with Techy, strategy things. They are very grateful. It’s easy for me though. Still feel like a bit of a fraud when it comes to what I know. But I still get surprised that people don’t know what I know, or can’t look at things in a simple way. Oh well, I’ll use those skills to get paid some day!

Herself had a bit of a bad time at work. To do with reorganisations. I’ve been advising her on that as in my view it was ‘Not a good thing…at all’ that was happening. Wrote some emails that she sent out as her. It all seems to be working out and has gained her much more respect in the Group. As a back up she also has another potential job offer that would double her salary. So fingers crossed that it’s all going to be good.

I also helped a couple of other people with work/job related things so I’m hoping it works out for them as well.

I could do with me as a friend. But I probably wouldn’t listen – eejit 😉

I’m trying though.

Ow

I suffer from Keratitis. Basically instead of getting a cold sore on one of my lips I was blessed to get it in my eye.

It is very, very painful.

But I’ve managed it. I have to be careful of sunlight to the eyes, stress, and getting run down generally.

To be honest it’s been a good little seatbelt for when I’ve been drifting in life.

With lockdown we got into a routine. But the Butcher we used started to go downhill a bit. Cuts weren’t so good, or just a wrong order. We spent a while wondering what to do about it. Local butcher going downhill but still support them? Or other butcher a bit father away?

While thinking about that we didn’t buy meat. That’s grand. Vegans and vegetarians say it’s great for them and Herself leans towards that.

It’s not for me. I felt awful after a few weeks. Really run down and low energy. I should have known what was coming but it’s been such a long time since I’d suffered I forgot.

Well I’m suffering now. Best way I can describe it is hold a lighter to each of your eyes when you have a really bad head cold.

Ow.

Hopefully better in a day or so. A lot of port and brandy, paracetamol and ibruprofen.

Ow.

I’m attending my first online funeral tomorrow.

It could always be worse.

Same old same old

It’s all a bit same old same old.

I’m not complaining. A lot of people no doubt have it worse, but lockdown is possibly like doing time.

“What interesting thing have you done today?”

Well I took a nap in the late afternoon rather than early afternoon. But that’s about it.

Winter lockdowns < Summer lockdowns

Would not recommend

Perspective

They’re just crazy, we can’t have those values in the World, they will see that they’re wrong and we’re right

Or something like that.

Brexit, Elections, Religion…but which side is saying that?

The Human Race has always been tribal. I don’t know if it’s because the messaging can be in your face in seconds, or what. But the World feels a lot more dangerous right now.

We need more compassion, more attempts at understanding.

But saying that, I would punch a Nazi in the throat without hesitation – every single time.

Dragging

This week is a slog. Well the last two weeks have been really. I don’t know if it’s the absence of Sun (so many shades of grey) or the clocks going back – but it’s an effort.

I’m still exercising daily and learning French (I have a 700ish day streak on Duolingo), but the exercise is a grind.

Sometimes it’s like that with fitness though. You reach a plateau and grind away. Then comes a burst of improvement and you’re onto the next plateau. Great sense of achievement when you make progress – but the grind…can be a grind.

Same for life really. Deep breath, plough on.

P.S. I miss my young hamstrings

May you live in interesting times

It’s all a bit mad isn’t it?

I’ve been reminding myself over the past couple of weeks that it’s okay not to get some things done. It’s fine to have a lazy morning, or afternoon, or day. We’re not in dire straits and this feckin thing is going to be a marathon. I was saying to Herself the other day that another National lockdown looms – but then I said hang on, we don’t go anywhere anymore so what would change for us?

It’s definitely a bit mad.

Regular exercise is helping. I’m in the fourth week of a five week program. Then I start a twelve week one. It’s four times a week currently then I use the rowing machine on the off days. In fact I’m writing this post to specifically delay a thirty minute row – because I’m tired today 🙂 It’s good, it’s working. Although I’m beyond the ‘new and fun’ stage and well into the ‘Let’s show you where you’re quite weak’ phase. It’s my hamstrings. They’re like bloody ships cables. So when I’m doing Yoga Herself dies laughing as apparently “Yer not getting my head down there cos it doesn’t go that far” is not something said during Yoga sessions.

It’s certainly what I say.

Squats are bloody evil things as well – but it’s all helping.

I’ll have to crack on with clearing the house out soon as well. I’ve had about a month off. That’s the handy thing about writing here – you can look back…yes, September 8th was when I’d made it acceptable. But still so much stuff to clear out if we want to have the renovations done next year. Everyone approaches grief in a different way – and I think I’ve figured out how Herself is approaching Hers. Any discussions about it raises her stress levels to eleven out of ten. It’s down to me to crack on with it, sensitively, and then she’ll join in. A perfect example is we have a very tall freezer, and a half freezer thats part of a tall fridge/freeze combo. And it was packed. Which is quite odd for two people. Especially as I use a freezer only for frozen chips and ice for my drinks. But it’s never been sorted through. It was a tiny little bit of stress for me that added to a few tiny little bits of stress. You see one of the drawers had frozen food that her Mum had made. Two years frozen is enough though. I’m fond of an experiment but even though she insisted she’d still eat it – I didn’t fancy witnessing that. So the other day I cleared the whole thing out – just before the binmen came obviously (I’m not daft).

“It’s done”

“Was it really bad?”

“There was fish in there that was best before 2017…”

“Oh”

“And a leg of lamb…unknown date”

“Thank you”

We’re getting there. Once the house is cleared and renovated we can then get a dog. We both desperately want one. I still miss my other dogs. So it’s a bloody good driving force.

Time for rowing. Maybe I’ll have another cup of coffee first…