Category: General

Nine months in the long limbo of long covid | ed rooksby

I’ve just found the share button on my iPhone. This is the thing that worries me most about COVID. The Long COVID impact which is far more scary.

“Nearly 70,000 cases of covid infection were reported yesterday, 8th January. Of course that’s officially confirmed cases and the real number of infections will be much higher. A small but significant proportion of those people will go on to be hospitalised and a small but significant proportion of them will die in the next few…”
— Read on edrooksby.wordpress.com/2021/01/09/nine-months-in-the-long-limbo-of-long-covid/

Going well

“I tried that Mindlessness app”

“MindFULLness, how’d it go?”

“I drifted off and fell asleep”

“Well that’s good”

“Nah, that’s not what you’re supposed to do”

This is going to need some work. Not as easy as I thought.

What have I learned?

I managed to write more blog posts as I was on my iPad. But that’s sitting in a holder arm thingy on my desk (Herself got it for me as a Christmas present) and it’s just killed the urge. Must try harder.

I’m still unemployed. The Pandemic means savings stretch a LOT further, so there’s no real panic. I can easily manage another six months. I probably don’t want to as having savings is a good thing – but no worries yet. I really need to find the right thing. Also – I’m grateful I have the space to do that. So many other people are in a far worse situation.

That’s one thing the Pandemic has taught me. I have more empathy than I thought I had. It’s not a good thing. I think life would be so much easier if I went through it not giving a shite about people. Or only a minimal amount of shite given at the most. But I do. I worry, a lot, about how people are coping. People I don’t even know – never mind the people I do. I have to give myself breaks from the news as it all gets a bit too much. But then I feel guilty as I feel like it’s something that should be witnessed.

It has taken a bit of a toll on me head. If I’m being honest for once.

That’s one of the ‘fun’ things about life. You have to figure everything out yourself. Then Tik Tok threw a couple of videos at me that stopped me dead in my tracks, so I had to do a bit of reading about High Functioning Anxiety. Tick, Tick, Yes, Yes, Tick, Tick etc. But surely everyone feels that way? It’s not even a recognised thing, just a catch all. Then again maybe they don’t feel that way? I’ve no idea. I hit the big half century next year so I’ve been living a long time in this brain and body. It’s normal for me. It’s not too bad actually. I think I’m great and quite a brilliant and loveable person most of the time. I tell Herself often 🙂

If it could help me stop grinding my teeth at night that would be good though. I don’t know why I do that. I’d rather not buy disposable gum shields for the rest of my life. I thought I was also getting arthritis as my hands and fingers have been aching. Until Herself pointed out that I ball them into fists when I sleep sometimes, and occasionally start battling with unseen foes. Brill.

I don’t think I feel anxious. But then I wondered if that was my default and normal setting? I got entirely fucked off with the World at the end of January. Luckily I’m older now so I knew it was just a bad time and it would pass. I really didn’t need to run off to a new City or Country by myself and the rest of the World really didn’t need to bugger off and leave me alone.

Anyway, I have no answers. I’m going to subscribe to the Headspace app and give that a go.

In other news I’m still exercising. I like Apple Fitness+ and Fitify is still really good. With the rowing machine thats a good combination. Herself is also exercising so we’re in good shape. Except when it’s been a bit of a vicious squat day. I think the people who make stair lifts are missing an opportunity in not marketing to middle aged people who work out.

I also joined the board of a Charity to help out with Techy, strategy things. They are very grateful. It’s easy for me though. Still feel like a bit of a fraud when it comes to what I know. But I still get surprised that people don’t know what I know, or can’t look at things in a simple way. Oh well, I’ll use those skills to get paid some day!

Herself had a bit of a bad time at work. To do with reorganisations. I’ve been advising her on that as in my view it was ‘Not a good thing…at all’ that was happening. Wrote some emails that she sent out as her. It all seems to be working out and has gained her much more respect in the Group. As a back up she also has another potential job offer that would double her salary. So fingers crossed that it’s all going to be good.

I also helped a couple of other people with work/job related things so I’m hoping it works out for them as well.

I could do with me as a friend. But I probably wouldn’t listen – eejit 😉

I’m trying though.

Ow

I suffer from Keratitis. Basically instead of getting a cold sore on one of my lips I was blessed to get it in my eye.

It is very, very painful.

But I’ve managed it. I have to be careful of sunlight to the eyes, stress, and getting run down generally.

To be honest it’s been a good little seatbelt for when I’ve been drifting in life.

With lockdown we got into a routine. But the Butcher we used started to go downhill a bit. Cuts weren’t so good, or just a wrong order. We spent a while wondering what to do about it. Local butcher going downhill but still support them? Or other butcher a bit father away?

While thinking about that we didn’t buy meat. That’s grand. Vegans and vegetarians say it’s great for them and Herself leans towards that.

It’s not for me. I felt awful after a few weeks. Really run down and low energy. I should have known what was coming but it’s been such a long time since I’d suffered I forgot.

Well I’m suffering now. Best way I can describe it is hold a lighter to each of your eyes when you have a really bad head cold.

Ow.

Hopefully better in a day or so. A lot of port and brandy, paracetamol and ibruprofen.

Ow.

I’m attending my first online funeral tomorrow.

It could always be worse.

Same old same old

It’s all a bit same old same old.

I’m not complaining. A lot of people no doubt have it worse, but lockdown is possibly like doing time.

“What interesting thing have you done today?”

Well I took a nap in the late afternoon rather than early afternoon. But that’s about it.

Winter lockdowns < Summer lockdowns

Would not recommend

Perspective

They’re just crazy, we can’t have those values in the World, they will see that they’re wrong and we’re right

Or something like that.

Brexit, Elections, Religion…but which side is saying that?

The Human Race has always been tribal. I don’t know if it’s because the messaging can be in your face in seconds, or what. But the World feels a lot more dangerous right now.

We need more compassion, more attempts at understanding.

But saying that, I would punch a Nazi in the throat without hesitation – every single time.

Dragging

This week is a slog. Well the last two weeks have been really. I don’t know if it’s the absence of Sun (so many shades of grey) or the clocks going back – but it’s an effort.

I’m still exercising daily and learning French (I have a 700ish day streak on Duolingo), but the exercise is a grind.

Sometimes it’s like that with fitness though. You reach a plateau and grind away. Then comes a burst of improvement and you’re onto the next plateau. Great sense of achievement when you make progress – but the grind…can be a grind.

Same for life really. Deep breath, plough on.

P.S. I miss my young hamstrings

May you live in interesting times

It’s all a bit mad isn’t it?

I’ve been reminding myself over the past couple of weeks that it’s okay not to get some things done. It’s fine to have a lazy morning, or afternoon, or day. We’re not in dire straits and this feckin thing is going to be a marathon. I was saying to Herself the other day that another National lockdown looms – but then I said hang on, we don’t go anywhere anymore so what would change for us?

It’s definitely a bit mad.

Regular exercise is helping. I’m in the fourth week of a five week program. Then I start a twelve week one. It’s four times a week currently then I use the rowing machine on the off days. In fact I’m writing this post to specifically delay a thirty minute row – because I’m tired today 🙂 It’s good, it’s working. Although I’m beyond the ‘new and fun’ stage and well into the ‘Let’s show you where you’re quite weak’ phase. It’s my hamstrings. They’re like bloody ships cables. So when I’m doing Yoga Herself dies laughing as apparently “Yer not getting my head down there cos it doesn’t go that far” is not something said during Yoga sessions.

It’s certainly what I say.

Squats are bloody evil things as well – but it’s all helping.

I’ll have to crack on with clearing the house out soon as well. I’ve had about a month off. That’s the handy thing about writing here – you can look back…yes, September 8th was when I’d made it acceptable. But still so much stuff to clear out if we want to have the renovations done next year. Everyone approaches grief in a different way – and I think I’ve figured out how Herself is approaching Hers. Any discussions about it raises her stress levels to eleven out of ten. It’s down to me to crack on with it, sensitively, and then she’ll join in. A perfect example is we have a very tall freezer, and a half freezer thats part of a tall fridge/freeze combo. And it was packed. Which is quite odd for two people. Especially as I use a freezer only for frozen chips and ice for my drinks. But it’s never been sorted through. It was a tiny little bit of stress for me that added to a few tiny little bits of stress. You see one of the drawers had frozen food that her Mum had made. Two years frozen is enough though. I’m fond of an experiment but even though she insisted she’d still eat it – I didn’t fancy witnessing that. So the other day I cleared the whole thing out – just before the binmen came obviously (I’m not daft).

“It’s done”

“Was it really bad?”

“There was fish in there that was best before 2017…”

“Oh”

“And a leg of lamb…unknown date”

“Thank you”

We’re getting there. Once the house is cleared and renovated we can then get a dog. We both desperately want one. I still miss my other dogs. So it’s a bloody good driving force.

Time for rowing. Maybe I’ll have another cup of coffee first…

Predictions

Will the Orange Fecker get elected again this Autumn? Truthfully I don’t know. There are deep problems that side of the pond. Throughout society. Understandable as it’s within lifetimes that the place was heavily segregated.

  • Nasty fight through the courts about the result? Probable
  • Easy win for Biden? Doubtful
  • Easy win for the Orange Fecker? Doubtful
  • Civil/Race/left and right/red and blue actual widespread violence? I think entirely likely

As to this side of the pond I have an easier prediction. The Ineffectual Eton Boy will stay on for now, but will not be PM by mid 2021. He resigns or is forced out, but he’s only being kept there so they can hang the blame for Brexit around his neck in January.

Sensible people will realise where the blame for Brexit lies and when. But the General public don’t seem to be too sensible. So it’s who is left holding it when the music stops – and that’s January 1st.

What makes me angry is the impact on generations of kids.

Namaste

We have a decent amount of fitness equipment in the house. Pull up bars, Bosu ball, bench, rowing machine, kettlebells etc.

So not exercising comes down to mental blocks rather than ‘Cant get/be arsed to the gym’. We’re doing quite well with it. Exercise every other day.

I downloaded an app ‘Fitify’ to try as it allows you to add your own equipment. Free trial for five days and then £53 a year afterwards. I think I’ll be buying it.

I did some Yoga for a wind down. It murdered me. Jayzuz how much can one man sweat? And me balance is not great at the best of times! I needed to do it though and I need to do some more. I’m finding it tight to raise my right leg. Not painful, it just doesn’t go as high as it used to. Of course I looked it up online and no doubt I’m heading for a hip replacement – but the more likely reasoning is I’ve sat on my arse too much this year.

Jayzuz that yoga is a bugger though. Namaste – even though I didn’t feel very bendy afterwards…more collapsey.