Anyway, imagine a circle. Thick lines. Inside the circle a number of small balls are bouncing around inside. Some moving slowly, some moving very quickly but with a lot of force. Add in a couple of more little balls, and a couple more…and a couple more. They're all bouncing around madly now. That's what my brain feels like. Filled with thoughts and ideas. But none of them have broken out yet. It's crowded and irritating.

I haven't figured out what triggers a 'break out' yet. Because one or two will and I'll get absorbed in something. A plan, an idea or a scheme.

I wish I could figure it out though. When it get's crowded and agitated it's very, very irritating.

I also did some pottering in the garden. I’ve never really had a garden before. The one here has been horribly neglected. I can’t understand that. If you have a garden then surely you should look after it? Anyway, it really needed to be tidied up…POWER TOOLS were called for. I got a strimmer, hedge trimmer and lawn mower. Then it rained for about a fortnight. Pah! Nothing worse than buying new POWER TOOLS that you can’t use. I didn’t spend a fortune on them. I didn’t see the point. We’ll be moving on from this place and it’s not guaranteed that we’ll have a garden (hopefully we will though).

Very bloody satisfying though. Although at one point mowing the lawn I did wonder if I’d find the source of the Nile or Dr Livingston and wonder if it had an off-road setting. Not a bad job though. Then I went a little mental on the hedge. Which was about 8 foot tall and 18 foot long. It is decidedly shorter and less bushy now though. I only re-enacted a couple of scenes from Texas Chainsaw Massacre as well. Had to be done.

I even managed to get some painting done. The deck for one, I don’t think it’s ever been done. But also some actual painting, on canvas. Which went quite well. Sometimes it’s so bloody frustrating. But sometimes it comes together and is quite relaxing. I’m still favouring acrylic. Oil I don’t have all the gear I need. Tried some watercolour as well, but I’m really out of practice with technique there.

All in all a relaxing weekend.

Back to work tomorrow…bah.

Then followed a real 'Okay, so what? Now what?” moment. I wasn't at all sure. So after thinking about it for a bit I thought the easiest thing to do was mention it to MBH. I had imagined a 'Oh really?” sort of response. Not quite the response I got though:

“I've always suspected. I did a test at work and it pretty much confirmed it. One of my friends actually asked me if you had it one time as well”

“What?? Why???”

“Because you have very solid opinions which you can't be shifted from”

I have no idea about traits, because it's all new to me. But fair enough, I'll give them that. Not often can my mind be changed … mostly because I'm always right obviously

So what now? Nothing. Bugger all can be done about it. Knowledge is power though so I'll get a few books to read. I managed to get this far on my own. Did a damn decent job of it as well (in my opinion). It's nobody's business.

It's funny how you can live for so long though and it's just the way it always is. And it's not the way for the majority(?). That's a bit weird and thought provoking. I can't get my head around that. It's like you're walking along one path, and everyone is walking along another. For the longest time you think everybody is wrong walking on that other path. Then you find out they aren't.

Fuck it. I'm still walking along this path. It's a nice path.

Which, incidentally, is probably exactly what I'd do in real life

I was having a conversation the other day with MBH, and she made a jokey comment that I just ignored. I remembered it just then and took a test online. An A_Q Test. I know I answered some questions as how I think they should be answered, rather than brutally honest. But I did answer most of them pretty much honestly, I think. By that I mean there's two different ways I live life. There's me and there's public me (if that makes sense). Some questions were answered as public me, some as me, and some half way between the two.

If that makes any fuckin sense.

Anyway. I got my score. Then I looked for a scale to interpret it.

My score was double what would be considered average for a male.

Not sure what to do about that. Nothing I think. But it's interesting.

I'm sitting in the new office which is upstairs. I'm hearing scrabbling and scratching in the attic and am quietly thinking to myself “Your time will come matey'. Obviously not in a 'YOU WILL DIE' sort of way but more of a 'I will catch you humanely and you can fuck right off' sort of way.

I then hear a sort of snap or crack kind of sound and a VERY definite mousey squeal.

THAT can't be good.

I wonder if there were traps up there already? Bloody hell could be a massacre up there.

As I type this there is more scratchin. So failed trap or more mice.

Crap.