Notebookscribbles

Bah, I can sense my frustration building. Let me try and describe it. I'd do an animated gif, but I can't on the iPad. I'm also not in the mood to figure it out.

Anyway, imagine a circle. Thick lines. Inside the circle a number of small balls are bouncing around inside. Some moving slowly, some moving very quickly but with a lot of force. Add in a couple of more little balls, and a couple more…and a couple more. They're all bouncing around madly now. That's what my brain feels like. Filled with thoughts and ideas. But none of them have broken out yet. It's crowded and irritating.

I haven't figured out what triggers a 'break out' yet. Because one or two will and I'll get absorbed in something. A plan, an idea or a scheme.

I wish I could figure it out though. When it get's crowded and agitated it's very, very irritating.

A long weekend. It’s been quite pleasant. Not as if I’ve done anything exciting. The Dog was taken to the vets on Friday for his bollox to be removed. I have no intention of breeding him. Not in Ireland anyway, where to be frank it would be a disaster. I’m not going to drag him off to the UK either. So better to get it done sooner rather than later. MBH was quite distraught about the whole thing. But it’s done and he’s recovering well.

I also did some pottering in the garden. I’ve never really had a garden before. The one here has been horribly neglected. I can’t understand that. If you have a garden then surely you should look after it? Anyway, it really needed to be tidied up…POWER TOOLS were called for. I got a strimmer, hedge trimmer and lawn mower. Then it rained for about a fortnight. Pah! Nothing worse than buying new POWER TOOLS that you can’t use. I didn’t spend a fortune on them. I didn’t see the point. We’ll be moving on from this place and it’s not guaranteed that we’ll have a garden (hopefully we will though).

Very bloody satisfying though. Although at one point mowing the lawn I did wonder if I’d find the source of the Nile or Dr Livingston and wonder if it had an off-road setting. Not a bad job though. Then I went a little mental on the hedge. Which was about 8 foot tall and 18 foot long. It is decidedly shorter and less bushy now though. I only re-enacted a couple of scenes from Texas Chainsaw Massacre as well. Had to be done.

I even managed to get some painting done. The deck for one, I don’t think it’s ever been done. But also some actual painting, on canvas. Which went quite well. Sometimes it’s so bloody frustrating. But sometimes it comes together and is quite relaxing. I’m still favouring acrylic. Oil I don’t have all the gear I need. Tried some watercolour as well, but I’m really out of practice with technique there.

All in all a relaxing weekend.

Back to work tomorrow…bah.

I did 'The Test' again and answered the questions as honestly as I could, and ended up with a higher score.

Then followed a real 'Okay, so what? Now what?” moment. I wasn't at all sure. So after thinking about it for a bit I thought the easiest thing to do was mention it to MBH. I had imagined a 'Oh really?” sort of response. Not quite the response I got though:

“I've always suspected. I did a test at work and it pretty much confirmed it. One of my friends actually asked me if you had it one time as well”

“What?? Why???”

“Because you have very solid opinions which you can't be shifted from”

I have no idea about traits, because it's all new to me. But fair enough, I'll give them that. Not often can my mind be changed … mostly because I'm always right obviously

So what now? Nothing. Bugger all can be done about it. Knowledge is power though so I'll get a few books to read. I managed to get this far on my own. Did a damn decent job of it as well (in my opinion). It's nobody's business.

It's funny how you can live for so long though and it's just the way it always is. And it's not the way for the majority(?). That's a bit weird and thought provoking. I can't get my head around that. It's like you're walking along one path, and everyone is walking along another. For the longest time you think everybody is wrong walking on that other path. Then you find out they aren't.

Fuck it. I'm still walking along this path. It's a nice path.

Which, incidentally, is probably exactly what I'd do in real life

Hmm.

I was having a conversation the other day with MBH, and she made a jokey comment that I just ignored. I remembered it just then and took a test online. An A_Q Test. I know I answered some questions as how I think they should be answered, rather than brutally honest. But I did answer most of them pretty much honestly, I think. By that I mean there's two different ways I live life. There's me and there's public me (if that makes sense). Some questions were answered as public me, some as me, and some half way between the two.

If that makes any fuckin sense.

Anyway. I got my score. Then I looked for a scale to interpret it.

My score was double what would be considered average for a male.

Not sure what to do about that. Nothing I think. But it's interesting.

So, the mice thing…

I'm sitting in the new office which is upstairs. I'm hearing scrabbling and scratching in the attic and am quietly thinking to myself “Your time will come matey'. Obviously not in a 'YOU WILL DIE' sort of way but more of a 'I will catch you humanely and you can fuck right off' sort of way.

I then hear a sort of snap or crack kind of sound and a VERY definite mousey squeal.

THAT can't be good.

I wonder if there were traps up there already? Bloody hell could be a massacre up there.

As I type this there is more scratchin. So failed trap or more mice.

Crap.

We may have mice. This is a weird one as we haven't seen sight nor sound of them around the house. But an unmistakable scratching is coming from the Attic.

What are they living on up there? There's no food and we keep the kitchen pretty damn tidy and cleaned away. Again, have seen no sign of them elsewhere apart from the scratching in the attic. It could of course be birds. But I'm doubting that. Sounds more mousey.

This is a bit of a disaster as MBH has a real fear of the critters. You know like those poor souls they bring on TV programs to 'cure' them of their phobia? The kind that shake and break out into cold sweats at even a picture of them?

Yes, that kind of fear.

She suspects right now. But I think has convinced herself that because we have not seen sight nor sound of them – it must be the wind or something. Nevertheless I was dispatched to buy a few of those ultrasound device thingies. You plug them into a wall and supposedly it sounds bloody atrocious to mice and they run away. Well we've had them plugged in for about a week now and I still occasionally hear scratching. So reading some reviews (which I should have done before) it seems pretty split as to whether they actually work or not. I'm coming down on the side of 'not' for the ones we have.

I'm going to have to tackle the problem. The friends we are renting this house off have stashed some things up in the Attic. I know not what as it would be rude to look. But things and mice probably don't go well together.

Regardless of that the little bugger is not paying rent. Contribute or you're out!

Traps it has to be then. The humane ones are better I've heard. I like the whole karma thing. But I REALLY like it better than hearing a trap go off and a mouse then rattling about the Attic half attached to body parts. Um, no that wouldn't be fun in any sense of the word.

I will have to let MBH know. She will not be happy. Then I get to do a daily routine of clambering into the Attic to check traps.

Man. Life is just fuckin great sometimes.

When thinking back through my four decades and a bit on this Earth I can't really remember a time when the World was generally at peace. I say the World obviously I mean the human race.

In the 70s and 80s everybody was concerned about Nuclear War. Most people inhabiting the Internet nowadays are too young to remember that. But I remember thinking it was a real possibility. I also remember my Mother telling us in the 70s that she'd kill us if it happened so we wouldn't suffer. I also remember thinking “Thats a bit harsh” but then in the context of a Nuclear War it probably isn't really. But it shows how much people thought about it. It was never a case of 'Oh that'll never happen', even though people said that sometimes, but everyone thought deep down that it could. We all knew it. The least that could happen was an invasion by the massive Soviet Army marching west across Europe. Not entirely comforting times.

Then the Berlin Wall came down and we entered the 90s, maybe there was hope for peace. But of course there were still 'conflicts'. First the break up of the old Yugoslavia and then Dubyas Daddy went into the first Gulf War. Clinton then came into office. The turmoil in Eastern Europe and particular the former Yugoslavia were still atrocious. But it felt like it was region specific. More people were concerned with semen on a dress and what may or may not have happened with a cigar.

Then came September 11th 2001. For previous generations it was the Moon Landing, the death of Kennedy and the like that would be lifetime moments. I still remember vividly thinking, and saying to MBH that the “World has forever changed”.

It most certainly has. There is no territory to win, or walls to break down. In this case it's ideology. But I'm not just talking about Muslim Extremists (and they are bloody extreme – all the Muslims I know are bloody lovely people). I'm seeing such an increase in ideological extremes. The World changed back then and it continues to change. From the society level including politics and business. If I had the time, patience and was thoughtful enough I'd try to put my thoughts down. But I'm not and I can't. All I know is that change is continuing and the majority of it seems 'not good'. It may end up for the better, but it's going to be very painful.

Hopefully I'll get another three or four decades out of life. I'll feel very lucky if I do. But I just don't envisage it being a halcyon time. I'm not being pessimistic. This is just from looking at a lot of different sources and coming to my own conclusion. I like to look for the good in people. In society as a whole. But it seems so self centred. When protests do come about it seems like the pinnacle of it is a Facebook campaign or a hashtag…and boy is that depressing.

Maybe it is just foolish to dream about peace and equality in life.

Doesn't mean I have to stop dreaming though…