I don’t drive.

Never got around to it. I lived in very large cities where it seemed more of a hassle with a car. Sometimes it can be a pain in the hole but I’ve never really missed it. Truth be told, I’d have probably killed myself by now if I had a car.

I do have a bike though. A Pashley Roadster which is incredibly comfortable. They’re big bikes and I’m a big guy so you can certainly see me coming. Flat cap and jacket. I love my Pashley.

Except in a head-on wind. It’s a bloody big bike with only three gears. Jayzuz.

We moved though and it’s a bit more of a trek to work. More importantly the cycle lanes are non-existent. Or are those ones that only go for four foot and disappear. A few country lane type roads as well with no pavements. Roads are mental especially during rush hour. I’m not sure who would come off worse – me or a Ford Ka. But I’m not willing to test that.

So I bought one of those foldy bikes. A Brompton. I figured I could ride to the station, hop on the train with that, and ride the rest of the way to work.

I haven’t tried it yet. This fecker folds and it takes a certain technique. I’m not standing outside a train station struggling with it like a fella with a newborns pram. So some practice is needed. It’s a lot smaller than my Pashley. But it’s okay I guess – just smaller.

“Get a helmet” says Herself

Why, says Me, I have a selection of perfectly good flat caps and I’m sure I read somewhere that wearing a helmet is debatable in a crash.

“Now you’re being a knob” says Herself, “Just buy a bloody helmet – I want you around for a bit longer”

Well I think that maybe, perhaps, you’re trying to be sweet there, says Me.

“I told you, stop being a knob”

I look good in hats. Perfectly happy to admit that. I have a good selection of them. I wasn’t going to get one of those bloody streamlined, yellow and orange ones though. You know the types – all vent. Worn by middle aged fellas who are too fond of lycra. I don’t own any Lycra. There may be some in my swimming trunks, no clue, but I don’t knowingly own any Lycra.

So I bought one that looked more like a traditional helmet. Apparently you can use it for snowboarding. I like snowboarding. I had visions of looking like something out of an extreme sports show.

The Helmet came. I tried it on. Went to show Herself. Reader, she laughed. I think she still is…